I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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