this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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