its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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