my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
