ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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