i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
