I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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