It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
