he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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