the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
