So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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