VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
