Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
