I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
