I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
