That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
