fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
