In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
