I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
