Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
