i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
