I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
