Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
