So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
