wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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