Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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