I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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