I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
