failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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