the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
