My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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