Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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