i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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