I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
