I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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