Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
