just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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