yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
