I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
