can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
