Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I believe in your delicious
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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