I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You are the jesus of drinking
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
