Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
