im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
