I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
