remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
