Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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