Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
