a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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