a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
