'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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