Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
