I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
