do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
