i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
