Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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