If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
