You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
