When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
