I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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