Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
