anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
