Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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