I wish I only lived at night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
